Mononymous scammer and fame addict Omarosa returned to the headlines last week promoting the release of a book of lukewarm, leftover White House dish served in someone else’s Tupperware. History’s first former assistant to the President to also lose Big Brother and The Apprentice called the book Unhinged, which is both a great title and an ice cold self-own. (Do no buy it or I swear…) All in all, it’s a fairly typical hot mess and none of it really matters because now Omarosa is making television rounds playing tapes of secretly recorded West Wing conversations. Only a truly dedicated scamtrix would make the public pre-order a book and then drop an album where the real dirt can be found. O is coming for that Queen of All Media title; Thursday she’s unveiling a longwinded recipe blog and it’s over for the rest of us.

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So, the tea is that Omarosa is just sneaking recording devices into the West Wing like she’s Ethan Hunt wearing a rubber mask and I have a lot of questions. How are we supposed to be fighting this Space War when the Trump administration can’t even keep their own employees from Linda Tripping them in their own house? Forget the meddling Russians; America’s greatest threat seems to be Americans.



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Anyway, Omarosa apparently rolled into the White House with a full podcast setup, recorded the conversation with General John Kelly in which he told her to hit the bricks and then recorded the conversation she had with Trump after he found out she’d been fired from the news.

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“Omarosa, what’s going on?” Trump says on the recording, like he’s playing Deborah Cox in the opening moments of the song “Same Script, Different Cast.” “I just saw on the news that you’re thinking about leaving. What happened?”

Ah yes, who can forget that famous episode of NBC’s The West Wing where President Bartlett was watching Entertainment Tonight and found out that Sam Seaborne was pursuing other opportunities? On one hand, is anyone surprised that Trump relies on Fox and Friends (you know it was Fox and Friends) to tell him what’s going on in his own White House? On the other hand, oh wow every time I think this can’t get more embarrassing, it levels up.

Trump finding out from the news that one of his senior assistants was fired is like a reverse episode of Undercover Boss. Instead of putting on a disguise to spend some time with his beleaguered employees and opt to give one of them a big payday instead of all of them a living wage and better insurance, Trump is like “don’t tell me what happens outside of the Oval Office. I want it to be a surprise!” Trump hates spoilers, especially when they concern what’s going on in his own mind.

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Anyway, back to the tape! Omarosa replies to Trump “General Kelly came to me and said that you guys wanted me to leave.” (NB: in the other recording General Kelly said that there were integrity issues—a shocking revelation about a known reality show villain.)

Trump stammers his response, “No, I, I, nobody even told me about it.” It’s not like Omarosa is a sous chef in the White House kitchen; she’s someone who clearly can get the President on the phone and Trump still has no idea. This all checks out.

Omarosa channels all of us by saying simply, “Wow.”

Trump continues, “They run a big operation but I didn’t know it. I didn’t know that. Goddamn it!”

They run a big operation, he says! Gurl! Who is they?!

They 2020!

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.

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